“As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.” ~ Psalm 40:11-12 (ESV)
Giving the Lord my shame for many failures and disappointments as a parent, I prayed desperately, “Take this once and for all. Please, let me know it’s gone.”
Immediately, I heard the Lord speak deep in my spirit, “Confession is not betrayal, it’s honesty.”
With His words came a sharp revelation of truth. I was suddenly impressed with the understanding that the enemy would like to keep us from confessing many things in order to keep us trapped!
Feeling ashamed about my mistakes, I had rehearsed them privately. Feeling embarrassed about my child’s attitudes and choices, I wanted to protect both of us. If I said it out loud, it would be known.
Betrayal. Or Truth?
As I considered this, the old song returned to me, ‘I’m taking my sorrow. I’m taking my shame. I’m laying it down for the Joy of the Lord!’ and I knew that God was speaking to me to truly lay down my shame. As much as I had wanted to think I was protecting my child, I was protecting my shame as a mother; protecting the shame that would steal my joy and hold me hostage to the past.
Even now, this is hard to share. Who wants to confess the deepest hurts and hardest mistakes? Shame is the trap that keeps these hidden inside; fuel for destruction of the soul that Jesus already died to save. My denial of the truth became a denial of what my Savior accomplished for every mistake I’ve ever made. And doesn’t that just suit the enemy’s goal to steal, kill and destroy? If the forces of darkness can help us hide our confessions in the shroud of shame, he can hammer our joy and dim our light very effectively. It’s not about you. Right? That is the tricky part. It’s really NOT about you. It’s about the Light of Christ and what He has done for us. If the enemy can keep us ensnared, we fail to share the Light.
Yes, the trap is set with the bait of self. Self-regret, disappointment in myself; as if anything I could do on my own would be of worth. These are the lies and deceit that we fall into any time we neglect to confess the truth of our need for a Savior. Without the righteousness of Christ, there is no good in any of us. Not even on our best day.
The truth is I failed as a mother. And the truth is Jesus died for every failure of my life.
I need the reminder daily. This is why we must be careful to feed on the truth of God’s word every day; Give us this day, our daily Bread. The Bread of Life. Jesus. The One who gave all righteousness, and removed all unrighteousness, so that we can walk in the Light of His Love and Truth.
Renewal is a continual process. We must intentionally receive that cleansing flow from the perfect sacrifice that was made for whosoever receives Him; once and for all.
My prayer is that this confession helps some other moms. We have to share the truth. Only an honest testimony can truly glorify the Father. Hang in there, Moms. Jesus has you covered.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” ~ 1 John 1:9 (ESV)